Child Centered Divorce

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Across the US, July is acknowledged as the National Child Centered Divorce month. Therapists, parents, clergy, educators, lawyers and other professionals should use this opportunity to strike the following chord in the minds of parents - When a separation or divorce is pending, it is important to place the child's requirements as the first and foremost priority.

During this month, one should make it a point to remind parents that they should share the following messages with their children.

• The divorce is not the child's fault
• In spite of the divorce, daddy and mummy would continue to love the child as they did before
• Although the child is coming across changes in his/her life, the child would be okay as the daddy and mummy have the best interest of the child at heart

Meaning of Child Centered Divorce

When parents, who are seeking divorce, put the spiritual, physical and emotional requirements of the child as their highest priority, it can be said that a Child Centered Divorce is being observed.

Although, a particular couple has begun on a wrong track, it is never very late to create a child centered divorce. As the children pass through the months and years post divorce, the parents should ascertain that each step they take must be focused on the physical, psychological and emotional requirements of the child.

With each action, the parents must prove to the child that they are caring, compassionate and loving parents. Also, for the sake of the child, each parent must feel inspired to maintain a considerate and respectful relationship with their ex-spouse.

When a divorce is imminent, the child witnesses a troubled marriage and family life. When the child is convinced that his/her parents are implementing a respectful and reasonable post divorce plan, the child is greatly benefited. The mature and positive demeanor of the parents impacts the child's adaptation with the changing circumstances.

Children can be classified into 2 types if the reaction to divorce is considered. Preschoolers are generally anxious and frightened due to divorce and abandonment is their biggest fear. However, in the long run, they have better adjusting skills. A continuation of family routines and security is of utmost significance for them.

Older children have a better understanding of the situation and they remember life prior to the divorce. As a result of this, they compare life prior to and post the divorce. They lack sufficient coping skills and consequently suffer from long term problems.

Along with both types of children described above, parents should stress on the love they have for the child. It is very vital that this love continues perpetually.

Mediation in Child Centered Divorce

This topic is ideal for those parents who desire to divorce, but do not opt for the common two lawyer divorce that comprises of an exorbitant lawsuit and bitter feelings. In mediation, the requirements and desires of both parents are taken into account by the mediator while focusing on a painless divorce. The following 3 precepts are followed.

• The parents can get divorced and continue to remain friends
• The divorce would be fair and equitable
• The children would be safeguarded. Their requirements would be offered paramount importance

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