Marriage and Divorce Counseling

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Marriage and divorce counseling is useful for the spouses who want to avoid separation and save their marriage. Many spouses fail to reach an agreement over various issues. However, they wish to preserve their bond for their family. Such guidance and support assist individuals to identify the actual problems in their relationships and solve them without getting separated.

Sometimes, it may happen that a spouse thinks of getting a divorce due to marital issues. However, this spouse loves his/her family and children. Irrespective of how frustrated or angry this spouse is, the spouse still loves the partner. This is the time when the spouse may attempt to save the family from divorce. If it is unavoidable in some cases, such support will help the divorcing couples to opt for a mutual and amicable dissolution.

Selection of a good counselor for Marriage and Divorce Counseling

The first and foremost step is to select a counselor with whom both the spouses are comfortable. After an initial interview with the counselor, the spouses should think upon the following questions:

• Did the counselor ask the husband and wife adequate questions to obtain crucial information about the marriage?
• Did it seem that the counselor is interested in the case?
• Did the counselor showed sufficient ability to handle the personal problems of the spouses?

An efficient counselor creates an ambiance wherein the counselor, the husband and the wife feel secure and comfortable to talk regarding all issues, no matter how embarrassing these may be. The spouses must observe the behavior of the counselor in this respect.

The spouse must check the following traits of a counselor:

• Training qualifications
• Experience and track record
• Success rate in assisting spouses to save their marriages

The spouse must demand referrals from the counselor. These must be inclusive of those who were successful as well as those who failed. Then, the spouse may contact these references and discuss the professionalism shown by the counselor with them.

Role of Counselor in Marriage and Divorce Counseling

The counselors are usually trained in psychoanalysis and family dynamics. They are conversant with the technique of identification of the problems, interests and requirements of the client. They assist the clients to reach mutually beneficial solutions and compromises.

The counselor is equipped with therapeutic skills. Due to this, it is possible for the counselor to locate the underlying problems regarding which the couple has no knowledge or cannot confront on their own.

A counselor never interacts in a manner that would make the spouses feel guilty or blame each other for the problems. Instead, the counselor enables the client to get over negative feelings, forgive the past mistakes and work through problems.

Right moment for counseling

It should not be the last option to save the marital relation. It should be the first attempt to try to resolve the conflicts. The thumb rule is that the earlier the couple seeks support, the better it is. If they postpone , it might result in further marital conflict and it might become tougher to manage the issues. Ideally, when a couple first notices some problems in their relationship, this is the correct time to approach a counselor.

If a couple has been struggled in their marriage for several years without any success, they should realize that it is time to seek professional help. By doing so, they can renew their energy and mutual goals and refocus their attention. This can give a completely new perspective to their relationship.

The option is not useful in cases where the cause of divorce is violence or criminal background of the spouse. The potential efficiency of guidance suffers a major jolt when there is severe or even mild domestic violence.

Points to remember during counseling sessions

During such sessions the spouses must focus their attention on the following points:

• It is important to give some time and space to other spouse while presenting the issues in front of the counselor. Every conflict has two sides. Therefore, give ample time to a partner to make his/her side clear.
• Try to avoid blaming and accusations in front of the third party. This may retaliate your relationship with your partner. Make an effort to state your demands and opinions in an amicable way.
• Sometimes, guidance for solving the marital issues fails due to various reasons. In such situations, be prepared to accept the reality and move on with a decision of divorce.

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