Parents Divorce

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All about Parents Divorce- Effects and ways to Survive the Phase

A divorce can be beneficial when it means the liberation of both individuals. Thus divorce does not essentially mean 'the end of life' but 'a new beginning to search for happiness'. On the other hand, divorce can be a wrenching experience if it breaks the family. You might be thinking a divorce does surely break a family as spouses no longer stay with each other. But there is a subtle difference between spouses getting divorce and families being disintegrated. A divorce becomes successful when parents divorce but families do not because parents should think of their children's well-being and make this their priority.

How a parental divorce affects a child?

When parents get separated from each other, their children are affected in a number of ways. Social dislocation, emotional trauma, identity crisis and changes in lifestyle are some of the primary changes. Kids suffer from behavioral problems like developing disobedience, stubbornness and violating norms. In many cases, they become sad and resilient. There are some teens who may not show all these signs and behave like children of a happy family with married parents. Some children may feel guilty and hold themselves responsible for the parental divorce.

If the child is an adolescent who likes to remain in the family-circle most of times then he/ she will become more dependent by nature. But if the adolescent loves to socialize, he/ she will view the parental divorce as a source of freedom from the family constraints.

Tips and Guidelines for Co-parenting:

After parents divorce, their next task is to make co-parenting successful. Co-parenting will lend a feeling of security to the children and they will enjoy their relationship with both the parents. Watching you taking decisions together and sharing responsibilities, your kids will feel that they are more important to you than your personal issues. Not only this, they will learn to solve problems calmly and follow rules and regulations as they will be consistently obeying the rules of two households. Co-parenting will bestow benefits only if executed in the right way. The following tips would prove to be pragmatic in this intent:

  • The parent should not utilize their children as messengers to communicate with the other parent. The guardians should talk directly with each other and keep the kids out of all relationship issues.
  • Usually, father and mother respect the rules of school as well as other public institutions. With an identical outlook, the guardians should respect the rules of the other guardian's household.
  • Each guardian should think that adhering to the visitation schedule is his/ her responsibility. If any guardian desires any alteration in this schedule, he/ she should discuss and resolve it with the other guardian in advance.
  • Both the ex-spouses must continue a polite business relationship with one another. Treat each other like businesspersons whose main aim is to think of the child's future and making co-parenting successful.
  • While taking any step think about the best interests of your child leaving aside your own ego or finding fault with your ex-spouse. If you think that your ex spouse if not doing the right things, try to discuss the matter without giving advice to him/ her.
  • Each guardian should update the other regarding the latest events in the social life, medical care and schooling of their children.
  • Both mother and father should aim at cooperating with one another. One easy way to do this is by keeping one's issues to oneself. You should not say negative things about your ex-spouse, so that the children do not develop any negative feeling about his/ her father/ mother.
  • Parents should not treat their children as medicine. This means, when you feel low or get disappointed for your ex-spouse's behavior, don't discuss the issue with your children to get a source of relief.

    Besides the above-mentioned points, your behavior with your children also matter a lot.

If you are a divorce parent, take the following quiz. Answer-Yes or No.

  • You should take children for outing forgetting your personal worries. Invite your ex if the children want him/ her to be a part of the outing.
  • Say 'sorry' to your children when you make mistakes and try to explain the situation and what mistake you have done. These small efforts will surely work in making your relationship with your kid better and beautiful.

To make your understand the whole concept of how to lead life with your children post-divorce, lets take a quiz. Answer-Yes or No:

  • I cannot speak one good thing about my ex-spouse.
  • Accidentally, I speak things against my ex-spouse to my family members or friends and this conversation can be overheard by my children.
  • When my children tell me that my ex-spouse is joyous and doing well, I have a sinking feeling in my abdomen.
  • When my children praise or say something good about my ex-spouse, I become silent and feel an immense urge to speak something bad about my ex-spouse.
  • If my children hint me that they had a very good time with my ex-spouse, I feel bad.
  • Let us consider that my children have returned from my ex-spouse's residence. I instruct the
  • children to bathe or take a shower to wash away the other parent's presence.
  • My hatred towards my ex-spouse has reached such a degree that I cannot simply bear that my children are with him/her.

If you answer 'yes' to 2 or more of the above topics, you are in tremendous need of a change in attitude.

A parental divorce comes with a lot of complications. The key to such a divorce is to think of your child's benefits so that no damage is done to their future. When parents divorce, they should take steps to ensure that the divorce do not leave never-healing wounds on the children's minds.

Here are some topics associated with parent divorce. Click on each of following to get a clear picture of the different aspect of divorcing and parenting post-divorce:

Here are some topics associated with parent divorce:

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