Divorce Single Parents

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How to become good Single Parents post divorce

In 1922, a survey was made that concluded that 30 percent of the US households were single parent families. In the past, it was predicted that from 1980 onwards, at least 70 percent of the children would spend some duration of time residing in single parent houses, before they celebrate their 18th birthday. According to a study revealed by the U. S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are around 13.7 million single parents in the US and they are single-handedly raising 21.8 million children. It should not be feared that these children would lead miserable lives. The divorce single parents should adopt a particular mode of behavior while bringing up their children to overcome the myths of gloom and doom.

It is essential for the parent and the child to adapt to the changes in their life. Parenting is a responsibility that needs to be handled by both the parents and the role and responsibilities of both the parents are divided. Post-divorce the parenting responsibility of the child or children completely lies on one of the parents. It is vital to give the right upbringing to the children and not lead them to depression or other wrong ways like drug abuse, adultery, etc.

Strategies for divorce single parents

As it is mentioned earlier, parenting, that too for a divorced single parent is not an easy task. One should know basic skills and strategies to deal with certain situations while maintaining a health relationship with your children. Some basic strategies are given below:

Family meetings

The single parents should schedule meetings in which children can contribute their ideas. The parent must learn how to communicate efficiently and resolve the problems while simultaneously maintaining his/her position as an elderly member in the family. During the meetings, the members should set realistic goals for the family.

Mistaking the child as a peer

Although a certain child appears sufficiently mature to the single parent, he/ she should never treat the child as a peer. This is a frequent unintentional mistake committed by single parents. In this, they approach the child for emotional support. On the contrary, they must permit children to be themselves. For support and companionship, they may approach other adults.

Building up a reliable support system

The single parent must be on the lookout for trustworthy, reliable, and caring people, who would extend a helping hand in the times of need. These people must be willing to offer help in emergencies, provide companionship, emotional support, child care etc. Such a single parent can guide his/her children to approach this support system for assistance.

Caring for self

If a single parent is stressed out, this would result in stressed out kids. In order to avoid this fact, the single parent must focus on stress management, exercise, diet, and getting peaceful sleep. It is advisable to learn visualization, meditation, yoga, and relaxation.

Establishment of a nurturing ambience

Children long for security and stability. It is the responsibility of the single parent to offer a nurturing ambiance. They must tell the children how much they love the child and are proud to be the parent of such a child. It may be noted that some children demand more attention and affection as compared to an average child. So, it is essential to know the child thoroughly.

Give credit to self

Although a single parent is adequately competent and loving, it cannot be denied that they are performing a job meant for two individuals. The single parent must instruct the children that both of them are a team and need to collaborate. When a job is done well, the parent must give credit to themselves. This would help them boost their confidence.

Division of tasks

Obviously, upbringing of children implies that a single parent would be overburdened by the emotional overload, tasks, and responsibilities. The solution is to have shrewd time management and whenever essential, make a request for help. Accordingly, the parent should:

• Allocate some tasks and errands to the children
• Arrange car pools
• Request parents of other children to assist, etc

Attitude manipulation

The single parent must develop a positive attitude and instruct his/ her children to do the same. Both must concentrate on the advantages of single parenting. They must bear in mind that there are less disputes and minimal tension in the house. There are several single parents who find their independence and newfound autonomy invaluable. Consequently, they feel hopeful regarding the days to come.

Although all the above-mentioned factors are important for a divorced single parent, we would like to mention a few guidelines for a single mother:

• Handling financial issues is one of the toughest challenges that a woman may face. If you need financial help, don't hesitate to ask your relative, friend or even the government. It is important that you start planning to earn so that in the future you can become independent.
• Do not rely on your ex-husband for doing the things that he used to do earlier. Instead take the help of extended family members or friends to perform those duties. Gradually you will learn to do all these things independently.
• Remember your lifestyle has changed and so are the rules and norms. Earlier you used to do many things fearlessly; but now people know that you are alone and single. So many men may try to get in touch with you for some selfish purposes. Be practical, confident and judicious to take the right decisions. Think about you and your child's happiness and safety first and then act accordingly.

The strategies that are mentioned above would prove to be of great help to divorce single parents, who are confused about the upbringing of their children after end of their marriage. The divorced person may have grudges about their spouse, might be feeling miserable and cheated after the divorce, but keeping these entire depressing feelings aside, one must take efforts to build a bright future for both of them. It is vital to understand the feeling of the children and support the child to deal with the divorce. Even though the child may be mature enough the parent must not load any emotional stress on the child.

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