Grandparents Divorce

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When a baby is born, the first few persons who become happy and feel at the top of the world are its grandparents, besides its parents. Grandparents find happiness when they see the child growing older. Probably the child also gets emotionally attached with the grandparents more than its parents. Whenever something happens that may affect the relationship of the children with their granny or grandpa, the child is not ready to bear this. The same thing may happen when a child knows that their grandparents are going to get separated soon. When grandparents divorce, many children can accept the reality while others may react in a different way that is characterized by individual features.

The reaction of the grandchildren to the divorce of their grandparents depends on how close their relation with the grandparents is. In several cases, the grandparents and grandchildren live in the same home. Consequently, the grandchildren might suffer from loss of appetite or a temporary depression after their grandparents' divorce. It is very vital that the individuals around the children validate these feelings and have a positive and active outlook towards the children.

Discussion with children regarding Grandparents Divorce

A grandparent must inform the children regarding his/her divorce. The discussion should be carried on in the following way:

"Grandma/Grandpa and I have concluded that we would not reside with each other, but separately. This decision is nobody's fault. Both of us love you tremendously and both would continue to be your grandparents. Just like before, you are free to call anyone of us at any time you feel it is necessary."

It has been observed that the grandchildren become anxious whether they would lose one or both the grandparents due to the divorce. Irrespective of whether the children initiate this topic, the grandparent should answer this query. For this it is essential to speak out the essence of one of the following two statements, whichever is the truth.

"You would spend time with both of us as before, but we would not be with you at the same time."

"Grandma/Grandpa is leaving our house and hence, you would see her/him for a lesser duration than before. Despite this, both you and I would continue to do all the things we did before."

As per the previous experiences, children usually ask the following questions to the grandparents.

  • Why are both of you getting divorced?
  • What does your divorce mean to me?
  • In the future, will dad and mum also get divorced?

Tips regarding Grandparents Divorce

It is necessary that grandparents discuss the matter with their grandchildren, once they have informed the matter to their children. Informing about the divorce is not important; what matters most is the way how you approach the issue. Follow these simple tips provided here and deal with this serious matter easily:

  • Since the grandparents are going to discuss a sensitive topic that is, divorce, they should choose a good time like weekend, so that they can discuss all the important areas of the divorce. It is natural that the child will ask a lot of questions and the grandparents need to clarify all the queries. All this should be done in a calm atmosphere and when only the family members are at home.
  • The grandparents should also make clear that the grandchildren, in any way, are not involved in this divorce.
  • A grandchild might ask his grandparent if the grandparent is sad. Then, the grandparent must acknowledge the truth, but should not express anger or bitterness. If it is not possible for the grandparent to keep a check on his/her emotions, this grandparent must permit his/her son/daughter to oversee the discussion.

  • Older grandchildren might ask the grandparent whether the other grandparent would have any new relationship. The grandparent, who has been asked this question, should react in an honest and candid manner. This grandparent may not be comfortable while discussing the details of this relationship. So, he/she need not dwell on these details.

  • When a grandparent is talking with the grandchild regarding the divorce, if he/she ensures that the children's parents are in the room, then this step results in the following

    • The child gets an impression of family solidarity
    • The children's parents might help the grandparent to answer some of the children's queries

  • The grandparent must never tell the children that their life would not be changed by the divorce. Children can detect if the grandparent is being dishonest with them and this results in a loss of faith.

  • The grandparent must remember that after the divorce his/her ex-spouse is still the parent of his/her son/daughter and the grandparent of the children. So, the grandparent must aim to preserve these relationships by not permitting any negativity to creep in.

Remember grandparents opt for divorce because they are not able to stay with each other happily. But the relationship of the grandpa or granny with the grandchildren is not going to change. Your grandpa or granny will remain the same who loves you very much, who likes to spend time with you, overlooks your mischief, prepares your favorite dishes for you, etc.. The grandchildren should be ready to accept the new situation gradually and the grandparents should try their best to handle the situation.

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