Parenting Divorce

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Parenting through divorce comprises of the following tasks.

  • Moving ahead through grief
  • Decreasing dispute
  • Re-negotiation of a relationship
  • Establishment of a feasible co-parenting relationship
  • Learning how to parent children single-handedly

Checklist for Parenting Divorce

The parent

  • Should not look upon and rely on the child as a companion or confidant
  • Should not place adult responsibilities on the child
  • Endorse the relationships between the child and the other parent as well as the extended family members
  • Should not pursue parental disputes and more so, in the presence of the child
  • In case of joint custody, should not pursue frequent change-over
  • Needs to draft a parenting schedule that results in regular and frequent contact with the non custodial parent
  • Must aim to resolve the issue of custody at the earliest and in a friendly atmosphere. If the parents fail to reach a consensus, they must opt for mediation
  • Use consistent discipline and define clear limits and rules of parenting
  • Develop schedules and routines pertaining to parenting
  • Be available for the child in a supportive and nurturing manner
  • Be with the child for some duration every day on an individual basis
  • Must find out if there are any other sources of social support for the child

Tips for successful Parenting Divorce

  • Every divorced parent has his/her right to develop his/her parenting style. One parent should not meddle in the other parent's style as far as he/she does not detect any harm for the child. Each parent should permit his/her ex-partner to deal with the child as the ex-partner feels fit

  • A divorced parent should look upon the every parent's time with the child as a sacred and honor the pre-determined schedule. No parent should try to alter the plans regarding the time set for co-existence of each parent with the child

  • All divorced parents must respect the fact that every divorced parent is in need of privacy. Accordingly, all co-parents need to share information related to the child only and nothing else

  • A divorced parent must understand the difference between the following two points

    • How he/she feels about his/her ex-spouse?
    • How he/she reacts to the ex-spouse?

    Keeping the above two things in mind, the parent must digest the following fact - 'It is in the best interests of the child that the parents brush aside their negative feelings'

  • A divorced parent must recognize the virtues that the ex-spouse can provide their child. For this, he/she must recollect the virtues due to which he/she was attracted towards the ex-spouse. Is it not a fact that these virtues exist post-divorce and would be available to their child?

  • It is obvious that the divorced parents initially feel uncomfortable and awkward about the new manner of relating with each other. However, they must continue to affirm their commitment to this manner. It is generally observed that such a parent finds that his/her ex-spouse is also reacting in a similar manner

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