Children Post Divorce

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It is a well known fact that a divorce has harmful effects on the children, especially the minor ones. Many psychologists have come across the cases of child depression, after a divorce of parents. Thus, it is necessary to know the facts about children and post divorce conditions. There are some factors that can be helpful to manage the kids in a better way after divorce. Following are the details about the general conditions:

After divorce, younger ones usually face some parenting conflicts like those mentioned below:

• The father and the mother do not speak with one another. That creates tension during the visits of non-custodial parents
• The mother feels guilty as her kids find it difficult to adjust with the new family
• A spouse feels offended if he or she is not informed about the child's condition
• A parent becomes angry if the custodial parent is unable to handle the child properly
• The interference of the non-custodial parent in the development of the child
• The spouse finds it hard to introduce the family members to the new partners

Some general situations faced by children post divorce

It is generally observed that parents commit the following mistakes while handling the children after a divorce:

• When it comes to satisfying the material desires of the child, the parents attempt to transform their guilt into overindulgence. Thus, sometimes a child is over-pampered by both partners.
• One parent displays such an emotional need of the child that the child gets a guilty feeling every time he/she desires to spend time with the other parent. The same feeling is experienced by the child while being with friends or grandparents or any other person.
• As the parent feels lonely or is in need of help, they treats the child as an adult. Sometimes, a child has to provide an emotional support to the parent.
• One parent feels very hurt, lonely and develops a siege mentality. In a nutshell, the parent thinks "It's us" (i.e. parent + child) against the world. As a consequence of this, the parent is too dependent on the child for support and companionship.
• If both divorced parents attend any event, the child experiences pressure of the situation. Some such sensitive events are school programs, holidays, birthdays, extracurricular activities and performances. The children feel insecure and tensed in the presence of quarreling parents.
• If the parents are in a dispute regarding some issue related to divorce, then, they coerce the child to choose sides. The child is forced to select one between the partners.
• Either parent might transfer frustration and feeling of hurt regarding the other parent to the child. If the child resembles the other parent in physical looks or behavioral patterns, the possibility of this situation increases.
• Sometimes, one parent utilizes the child to acquire some information regarding the ex-spouse or to influence or to manipulate the ex-spouse.
• Some parents use the child as a pawn to retaliate or hurt the other parent. The children feel trapped between the two parties.
• One parent sabotages the child's relationship with the other parent.

Positive aspects of the a divorce among children

1. Some parents are successful in maintaining good relations of care and respect towards the ex-spouses. In this case, the small ones feel that their families are normal. They have a positive outlook towards life.

• Children value the respect shown by one parent towards another. They wish that the parental conflict must be minimized. Usually, it is observed that when parents are able to move ahead emotionally post divorce, the kids follow their parents in this aspect.
• Generally, kids seek to acknowledge and accommodate the requirements of other family members. They are ready to compromise regarding different arrangements pertaining to families. However, a parental support and care is necessary to help the child to come out of the traumatic experience of separation from the family.

Steps to be taken by the parents to handle the children post divorce

Following are some steps that can be taken to assure the welfare of the family after divorce:

• Both the partners should maintain formal contacts with each other.
• The younger ones should not be exposed directly to the conflicts between parents.
• The court schedules of visitation should be followed by both parents. It is suggested that a parent should encourage the relationship between the child and non-custodial parent.

So, a careful parenting and understanding between spouses are two important factors in the development of the children post divorce.

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